BIBLICAL POINT OF REFERENCE:
"For this reason, I remind you to stir into flame the gift of God that you have through the imposition of my hands. For God did not give us a spirit of cowardice but rather of power and love and self-control. So do not be ashamed of your testimony to our Lord, nor of me, a prisoner for his sake; but bear your share of hardship for the gospel with the strength that comes from God."
~2 Timothy 1:6-8
I’ve officially been home for about two months. I’ve started my new job and have been learning a lot—so much that I feel like my brain is about to explode with all the information I have packed into it.
I’ve been trying to look at everything from a big-picture perspective. I don’t want to take for granted the opportunities I’ve been given, and I don’t want to rush into any decisions about what I’m going to do next. I want to be able to embrace the time I’ve been given to try new things and start off on the right foot in a new place.
But I have to say: It’s been really hard. Every day I find myself questioning how I’m going to be able to figure out my vocation or anything else in life, and it doesn’t help when I find myself confused at work for the majority of the day.
I think I thought that I would actually have some sort of plan when I finished college. I mean, I thought I would have a plan past having a job and doing that everyday. I thought that I would suddenly have this incredible insight into what my life is supposed to look like and how I’m supposed to get there. I thought that it would be easier to handle to rough patches of starting a new job and exploring my hobbies, now that I’m supposed to have time for them. I thought that I would have a better sense of direction because I know so much more now.
But that couldn’t be further from the truth.
I’m not any closer to knowing what I want. I’m not any closer to understanding what I’m capable of in my job, in my relationships, and in my future. And that means I feel so far away from just being happy and content, and I would love to have some direction.
Yeah…God doesn’t work like that. God doesn’t just say, “Here, this is where I want you to go, this is what I want you to do.” And no matter how much I wish He did, I have to remember that it is He who has a greater purpose in mind, and it is He who I can trust to help me fulfill it.
I don’t know what’s next for me. I don’t even know how I’m going to figure out a way to know the next step. I could sit around complaining to myself that life after college is not what I thought and that it would be so much easier to go back to the way things were. And I could pity myself for feeling the way I feel.
But I won’t do that anymore. I will continue praying. I will continue to stay strong. I will continue to ask God to reveal His plan to me when He decides it’s the right time. And I will continue to have hope that things will get better, because they will get better.
I hope your summer is fruitful, my sisters!
Your Laughing Sister,